Reduce Unwanted Feelings of Shame: Tools for Mental Health and Happiness

Do you know what shame is? It's a feeling of embarrassment, humiliation or disgrace. Shame can be triggered by: body image, sexual orientation, mental health issues and addiction to drugs or alcohol. Sadly these issues are all too familiar for many of us. Shame can also be triggered by past traumas like abuse or assault. My heart goes out to any who suffer from shame of any kind.

One of the worst parts of shame is that it can be confused with legitimate reasons we have to feel guilt. Guilt is pain we feel for making a mistake and harming ourselves or others. Brene Brown describes shame as “the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging — something we’ve experienced, done, or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection.”

Shame makes us unable or fearful of having healthy relationships. It often keeps us from seizing opportunities or developing our talents. It can prevent some from taking the basics of self-care, which can be manifested in unhealthy behaviors like eating disorders or other forms of self harm.

How do you deal with these negative feelings? What are the best ways to deal with shame? Let's take a look at a few recommended ways we can remedy issues with shame in our lives.

Many people who suffer from shame can't see that they are not the problem. They believe others have a right to feel ashamed of them because of their past or current sins and mistakes, but this is actually toxic thinking.

Another way to deal with shame is to find someone you trust and tell them how you're feeling. Talking with a friend, family member, or therapist is one of the best ways to get out feelings and resolve conflicts on your own behalf.

We all make mistakes from time to time; learning how to forgive ourselves for our errors in judgment can reduce feelings of guilt. Try writing down every mistake you've ever made on a piece of paper then moving those slips of paper into a pile that you can burn or shred; this exercise will show you how many mistakes are not so bad after all.

If shame is keeping you from doing what needs to be done, then it's time for some new perspectives and behavior changes on your behalf. Start by taking care to identify the root cause of your feelings of shame. Is it because you feel like a bad person? Do you fear that your mistakes will harm those around you or your ability to fulfill major obligations and responsibilities in the near future? Are you not living up to expectations set by others, such as family members or friends?

If any of these sound familiar then take some time out for yourself to review your value as a human being. Surround yourself with positive people and positive influences. Try to tackle simple tasks that can give you some quick wins, which can be a step to taking on bigger tasks.

Don't hesitate to work with a professional therapist. They can tailor a plan for you to overcome your specific obstacles.

You are worthy of love, happiness and respect, never forget that.