Is It Possible To Be Too Nice? 10 Situations Nice People Should Be Careful In
Being nice is usually considered a good thing. There are good reasons for that: It means you're kind, compassionate and giving. It can even garner you respect from others. But being too nice can actually be quite problematic -- in your personal relationships (romantic or otherwise) as well as professionally. To that end, it might be time to ask yourself: "Am I being too nice?"
While we've all heard the cliché before -- it's not always about what you know, but who you know -- there are other ways for networking to go awry if you don't set up boundaries with certain people . This isn't to say that everyone is out to get you; rather, most of these dilemmas come from situations where someone's intentions weren't necessarily bad, but you're still left feeling taken advantage of.
Here are some situations to consider.
#1 You give more than you get
It's important to be kind to others, especially if you want them to return the favor in some way or another later on. However, it can be tricky trying to figure out how much is too much. One person may think they should repay a favor in equal measure, but that doesn't always mean it has to happen right away (or at all). A big part of being nice involves generosity -- but when you do something for someone else and they never seem willing to reciprocate, your kindness will start looking more like enabling behavior . When this happens over time, it can make the relationships you have with these people -- whether they are friends, co-workers or romantic partners -- quite lopsided.
#2 You don't say no to requests
If you find yourself trying to please everyone and can never say no because you don't want anyone to be upset with you , then it's possible that being nice has become a sort of crutch for you – one that could be preventing you from getting what you really need. When this happens, there will always be an endless list of obligations in your life and the stress of managing them all will only get worse over time. Even worse: You'll never feel like your best self because there won't be much breathing room left. If all this is starting to sound all-too familiar, it may be time to begin setting limits with the people you care about and take more responsibility for your own needs.
#3 You always do what other people want
Being a pleaser is something that can have both positive and negative ramifications in your life. On one hand, you'll likely get more attention from the people around you -- but on the other hand, you're rarely going to feel like doing what makes you happy without feeling guilty or as if everyone will disapprove. It's important to remember that you should never make yourself into someone who feels unhappy just because others want you to be happy in their way . Take steps towards making sure that your actions are coming from deep within so they don't stem from a place of obligation.
#4 You don't set limits with certain people
People who always have to be right, or who are controlling and bossy , can make even the nicest person feel like they'll never win an argument . Even worse, if you find yourself in this type of relationship and being constantly walked over , it might be time to consider cutting that individual out entirely. After all, their negativity will only bring you down and your friendship may not be worth saving at that point anyway. It's important to remember that it's okay to let go of toxic situations in life -- the alternative is just too depressing to imagine!
#5 There's no balance between work and play
Being nice isn't just about how you treat others. It's also about how you treat yourself. If you find that you're putting your job first and never allowing yourself time to relax or pursue your own interests , it might be time for a change. Remember, your work and life should fit together in a way that allows for both sides of the equation to be healthy -- otherwise, at some point one element is going to suffer. While it's fine to have certain responsibilities and tasks off-limits from procrastination , there may come a day where enough is enough and only by taking care of yourself are you able to accomplish anything worthwhile .
#6 You over-accommodate people (romantically)
While men who constantly chase after women they aren't interested in are typically labeled as "nice guys," women who do the same thing are often deemed desperate or clingy . Unfortunately, this stereotype does a disservice to nice ladies everywhere: Being pined after can make anyone feel good about themselves , even if they aren't interested in being exclusive with the other person. After all, validation is hard to get sometimes -- but when you're always chasing it instead of letting others come to you naturally , you'll only end up feeling worse. If someone is interested in you romantically and never seems to acknowledge your boundaries, then that's likely not going anywhere positive.
#7 You don't believe people will like you for who you are
Being too nice can sometimes stem from believing that no one would ever want to be in a relationship with you because of who you are at your core . You may have had an experience that put you off from being too intimate with others -- or it could be related to not feeling good enough for anyone. Either way, if one partner is constantly seeking reassurance from the other then there's going to be trouble down the road. If you consistently think about how someone else can never truly love and accept you for who you are, that's likely preventing intimacy altogether -- and that issue needs to be resolved before anything positive can happen between the two of you in a romantic relationship.
#8 You always put yourself second
It's important to remember that being nice shouldn't ever come at the cost of your own self-satisfaction . If you find that you're consistently putting others' needs before your own or allowing yourself to be a doormat , then it's time to reassess how much priority everyone is getting in your life. After all, we're not always taught how to establish personal boundaries which can lead to feelings of resentment over time on both ends. For example, if you never put up any resistance when someone asks favors of you, it will end up making the other person feel like they have endless power over your free time and energy. While people should certainly care about what their partner wants (within reason), there's nothing wrong with setting limits along the way -- as long as they come from a good place deep inside.
Violence, harassment, stalking, bullying or any abusive behavior is never ok. In a changing world more violence should be understood by women and men in all aspects: physical violence like domestic and sexual abuse but also psychological issues such as cyber-bullying and how to confront people with problematic opinions on social medias. Always think twice before sharing something that can negatively impact someone publicly!
#9 You're overworked and underpaid (or vice versa)
If you find yourself constantly sacrificing your time just to stack up the hours at work, it might be time for a change or some negotiation. The same goes if you're always putting out more than what you receive in compensation from your employer -- we need to remember that getting good deals and paying less for services is sometimes worth the extra effort of shopping around. If you aren't valuing your own time, then neither will another person when it comes to negotiating things in a relationship (i.e., how much money one partner makes compared with the other can often cause resentment). The same goes of course with being underpaid relative to others or working two jobs just to get by -- no matter what work you do, there's always room for improvement when it comes to advocating for yourself.
#10 You like someone who doesn't like you back romantically
Every relationship has problems , but if you're constantly trying to force something that isn't going anywhere with someone who only sees you as a friend, then it might be time to face the music. Sometimes people really do only see you as a friend, and that's not an insult or character flaw of yours. It isn't easy to accept at first, but remember that your value lies in who you are rather than how others perceive you -- and if someone is still treating you poorly despite this, it's actually best to just cut them out of your life entirely so they can go find someone else who deserves their affection instead of holding onto false hope.
Women are taught from birth that they will be better liked if they're nice, but is this really true? It's hard to say for sure -- after all, women can't win sometimes: If you're too mean or bossy , then people might worry about your ability to lead a team (or relationship). If you're too passive and compliant , then people might wonder how strong of a leader you could ever be. What we can say is that it's certainly possible to be TOO nice in many cases as well; just remember that there is nothing wrong with standing up for yourself occasionally when someone crosses a line or consistently makes demands upon your time without reciprocating.
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