Are You Living Authentically?
Are you on a path that feels true to who you are? It can be difficult to live "authentically" because we often feel pressure from society and other people to conform to certain ways of living. But if you feel a desire to live in an authentic way, take heart. It is possible for anyone – including you – to make your life a true reflection of who you are.
The word "authentic" comes from the Greek word authentes, which means "the author or doer of anything." In other words, it involves living with awareness and purpose.
Anytime we act outside our inner compass, we lose touch with ourselves and can begin to feel like frauds. Ultimately, this leads us down paths that don't really reflect who we truly are. Each time we turn away from what's real inside us, there may be some short-term gain but there will also be long-term pain because there will always be something inside us that feels unfulfilled.
Our culture has a history of defining authenticity as the ability to be who we really are in any situation, even when it is socially unacceptable or when being ourselves leads to negative consequences and rejection from others.
To live an authentic life, you must remember what's truly important for your happiness and well-being. What do you want for yourself? How does this differ from what everyone else wants for you? This path will not always make you popular with others but it may lead you to be happier than if you ignore your inner compass in order to please them.
What is keeping your from living authentically? Identify issues that might be holding back your progress toward leading an authentic life. Here are some examples:
Fear of rejection from others. You may fear that by being true to yourself, you will upset those closest to you and be rejected or judged. Whether it's a family member, partner, friend or colleague, this fear keeps a lot of people in the wrong relationship for far too long. Fear of not fitting in with your peers. You may fear that if you do what is right for you instead of doing what is popular with your friends/family/colleagues then you won't fit in with them and they'll think less of you as a result. Fear that you won't have enough money to live an enjoyable life because of the choices you make – e.g., moving to another country where prices are lower, eating at home instead of going out to expensive restaurants, etc. Fear that if you don't do what is expected of you by your family/community/society then a god will punish you or things will go badly for you which limits your happiness in life.
Fear prevents us from living authentically and creating the lives we want because it makes us hold back from doing what feels right inside us. It keeps us stuck on paths that aren't really true to who we are, and this can make our lives feel lacking in meaning and joy.
Instead, trust your inner compass to guide you towards the path that feels authentic for who you are right now – as opposed to who people expect you should be. This may involve disappointing those around you which can be difficult. You may lose friendships, face judgment and criticism from others but it's a small price to pay for living an authentic life.
Once you've made the decision to live authentically, what are some ways you can express yourself in your relationships? Pay attention to your thoughts and feelings about the people around you and then make adjustments as necessary so that they more closely reflect how you want to feel:
If you are in a romantic relationship and your feelings of love for him/her don't match the amount of attention or time he/she gives back to you, then it doesn't feel authentic. You may want to discuss this with your partner so that there can be greater reciprocity in your interactions. If someone criticizes you and makes you feel bad about yourself, realize that no one has the right to treat you poorly. Even if they're being authentic by expressing their negative thoughts about themselves which they've projected onto you, this is what's truly inside them – not who you really are. It isn't okay when people try to make themselves feel better at your expense .
It's only possible for others to see your true self if you take the initiative to express your authentic thoughts and feelings. People only know what you've told them about yourself or allowed them to see, so it's up to you to be clear about who you are and what your needs are in relationships.
Sometimes people will try to stop your progress towards living authentically because it shows that they aren't really a part of your life . When this happens, think carefully about whether their opinions matter more than how you feel inside. If a loved one tells you that something true about yourself is wrong or bad for society then consider if he/she is being judgmental on behalf of others instead of expressing his/her own personal opinions. These are matters for discussion but not necessarily reasons for changing who you are just to please others.
In general, it's best to keep your authentic thoughts and feelings to yourself when you're around people who are not used to being confronted with what is true about themselves. If those around you don't like hearing the truth then they'll be uncomfortable if you share your opinions in a way that shows how alive and aware you are of the world around you. Don't try to fix everyone else, just focus on learning more about who you are so that everyone sees precisely what they need to see in order for their lives (and yours) to feel authentic as well!