Self Compassion: Why We Should Be Patient With Ourselves
Self-compassion means being kind to yourself and understanding that difficult times are just a part of life. A self-compassionate attitude can help people reframe a negative situation in the most positive light possible. Why is this important? It turns out that self-compassion is at the heart of many other important emotions and behaviors.
Self-Compassion helps us to reframe stress in a positive way, which provides helpful ways to cope with pain. In this sense, it helps to pave the way for more happiness.
Self-compassion helps us to forgive ourselves for past mistakes that still haunt us. When we feel self-compassion, while reflecting on a painful mistake, the positive feelings help to encapsulate and neutralize any lingering negativity from the regretful situation.
In addition, when we don't feel self-compassion, it can make us more judgmental and critical of ourselves when we fail.
Self-Compassion is also linked with greater levels of optimism (which itself leads to better health), gratitude, joy, and hope. These positive emotions are the spice of life that makes everything seem at once brighter
How can we have more compassion for ourselves?
Often we can react to our own mistakes with anger and frustration. We might even turn this anger in on ourselves. While it's not realistic or healthy to be self-critical all of the time, it is important to focus on making changes for ourselves rather than berating ourselves
So let's look at a few suggestions that are pro-active:
Instead of self-criticism, ask yourself – what can I learn from this situation?
Tell yourself you are doing the best you can. Even if you're not doing a stellar job, try to be compassionate about your efforts and recognize that our ability to do things well is always changing. (The more we try, the better we get.)
Instead of getting angry with yourself for lashing out at someone else, recognize that it is okay to make mistakes. It's part of having a human experience.
Try to see situations from different perspectives and imagine how you might feel if you were in someone else's situation.
Self-compassion is not about self-indulgence. It is about having realistic expectations about what we can control and letting go of the things that are out of our power to change or influence.
For example, instead of ruminating on a negative thought like, “Ugh, my project was a disaster; this isn't going to go well,” a self-compassionate person might think to themselves, “The project didn’t go as well as I’d hoped, but that’s understandable given how much I am juggling right now, and I can learn and do better next time.”
The reality is that we are all striving to reach our full potential. Yet it's very easy to fall into the trap of feeling discouraged and wondering if we will ever get there. By being a little kinder toward ourselves, we can take a step back and see everything in perspective (a difficult thing to do when you're stuck on a negative emotion!)
Cultivating a habit of self-compassion may lessen the reliance on less healthy stress management methods such as alcohol or drugs, and could also lessen the likelihood of experiencing depression.