Knowing when to say NO: 5 Rules of Thumb
“People think focus means saying yes to the thing you've got to focus on. But that's not what it means at all. It means saying no to the hundred other good ideas that there are. You have to pick carefully. I'm actually as proud of the things we haven't done as the things I have done. Innovation is saying ‘no’ to 1,000 things.”
-Steve Jobs
Do you suffer from “people pleaser syndrome”? Do you have a hard time saying “no” to people who request your help? Well, you’re probably a good person, but you may also feel walked on or used. You may feel overwhelmed and without enough time to do everything. People like this are often well liked by people around them, but internally, they are unhappy. I admit that I am a recovering people-pleaser, but often fall back into bad habits.
The tendency to say “Yes” to too many things can spring out of an instinct to do good, to be liked, to be loyal. Maybe you like to try new things or are fighting off lazy or un-adventurous old habits. However, people-pleasing is a behavior that people can knowingly or unknowingly take advantage of.
When should you say no?
When you’re too busy. We all have the same number of hours in the day and we’re constantly making decisions about where to spend our time and energy. Consider the request carefully because it means you’ll have less time for another task (or sleep!).
When you feel guilty or obligated. Ask yourself why that was your first feeling, and see if this not help you should be giving; that you’re just anticipating damage to your relationship. Alternately, this could be a good thing and you need to get your priorities straight. Whatever happens, do not do agree to help and have a bad attitude.
You’re being used. Pay careful attention here—make sure your time, effort and love are being invested well and that you aren’t functioning as an enabler of bad behavior. Don’t offer cover for someone who is lying to you or someone else. This is real and can happen to anyone, but no one is worth being used.
Gut tells you no. Frankly, it’s ok to say no and a good mental exercise. Sometimes you just can’t explain a feeling, but you know that you shouldn’t do something. Stick up for yourself. Occasionally your gut feeling is wrong, but you need to refine your instincts over time.
You have no enthusiasm for the task. It probably means that you’re doing something for the wrong reasons. It’s either the wrong thing to do or you need to change your reasons for doing things.
https://zenfulspirit.com/2015/08/29/5-tips-for-knowing-when-and-how-to-say-no/
