Speak Up For Yourself: How To Make Sure Your Voice Is Heard

Many people have problems speaking up for themselves. Maybe we don't want to rock the boat or maybe they're afraid of saying something "wrong." We also may fear that what we say will make others mad or offended. However, sometimes we hold ourselves back too much based on those fears. Sometimes we have to take a stand and speak up in order to get what we want and need.

Here are some tips on how to make sure your voice is heard:

How To Speak Up For Yourself Without Making Enemies...

You've probably noticed that some people seem to always be able to say what they think without blowing things out of proportion. These "confident" people know when it's appropriate to speak their mind and do it without worrying that others will reject them or be offended. If you've always had a hard time speaking up for yourself, practice these tips and suggestions to become more confident about what you say (without being obnoxious.)

Before You Speak Up...

Reflect on the situation . Think about how your words will affect others - what might they think of the things you have to say? What are some good reasons why now is an appropriate time to speak up? Consider alternatives before you act . If something is "off," maybe there's another way that would avoid problems in the future. Maybe it's OK just this once if someone chooses not to follow your suggestion or request; after all, everyone makes mistakes sometimes. Ask yourself: Do I really need to say something; would needs might be better served in some other way? Why do I want to speak up about this? What's bothering me, why is it important that I say something right now? Consider the source of the problem . Are you mad at someone else or with yourself for not using your voice before? Is there another way to solve a problem rather than by saying what you think (i.e., talk it out without being confrontational?) Would spending time alone help (or talking to a friend) give you better perspective on things and how best to proceed?

Are You Being Bullied ?

If someone is doing something that makes  you feel uncomfortable ... look into them eyes when they talk to you. Remember who's in charge: you! Take a stand. If you feel more confident, try to use a "friendly" voice to say what's on your mind and if that doesn't work, then say it differently. Tell the person how their words or actions make you feel the way they do...without being confrontational or nasty.

If You're Bullying Someone Else ...

Stop yourself before you start . Think about why you may be saying these negative things about someone else to others; are you trying to impress them? Are they actually smart-aleck remarks or is this some attempt at getting attention? Why are you talking down to someone when there are better ways of communicating with them (i.e., email) which would allow them to respond back in private without feeling embarrassed? Does what you're saying even make sense? (If not, then stop now!)

Team up!

If you're telling others negative things about someone else, team up with them and go together to talk to that person. Do it privately in a nice way so the problem can be solved rather than by being nasty or confrontational about it. Avoid talking behind people's backs. Just tell them what's bothering you instead of putting them down for everyone else to hear (i.e., tell the person how they hurt your feelings.)

Practice Makes Perfect...

It's OK to say "I don't like this" or "let's find another way of doing it." It doesn't mean that you have to do something wrong because someone else did something wrong. Some people may think you're too sensitive or a complainer. So what! Practice makes perfect and one day soon, when the time is right, your words will be taken seriously by others without making enemies in the process.

It is important to speak up for yourself in order to get what you want and need. However, it can be hard because we are afraid of upsetting or offending others. There are some ways that we can avoid this happening when having a discussion with someone else: think about how your words will affect them, consider alternatives before acting, ask why you're speaking (do I really need to say something?), and practice makes perfect! If all these things don't work out the way they should, then talk to somebody who may have advice on how best proceed. Finally, if another person is bullying you or making fun of you behind your back; stop yourself from doing so and tell them kindly but firmly not do it again!