Ask a Boudoir Photographer: "What if I don't consider myself sexy?"
What If I Don't Consider Myself Sexy? Can I Still Do a Boudoir Photoshoot?
Question:
“Hi Chicago Boudoir, I have a question. I’ve been seeing boudoir photos online and they look beautiful, but I honestly don’t see myself that way. I’ve never thought of myself as sexy and I wouldn’t even know how to act in front of the camera. The women in those photos seem so confident and comfortable. I’m not sure I could ever look like that. Is boudoir something you have to already feel sexy or confident enough to do?”
Answer from Chicago Boudoir:
Girl... if I had a dollar for every time I heard this question, I'd be rich. 😊 Seriously, this is one of the most common concerns women share before booking. Many people assume that the women they see in boudoir photos must naturally feel confident, glamorous, or comfortable being seen as sexy.
But the truth is that most of them felt exactly the same way before their photoshoot.
Boudoir is not about showing up already feeling sexy. It is about discovering a new side of yourself you may not have seen before.
You Don’t Have to “Be Sexy” to Do Boudoir
One of the biggest misconceptions about boudoir photography is that you need to know how to pose, move, or express yourself in a certain way before the session even starts.
In reality, most women have never done anything like this before. They arrive feeling a little nervous, unsure of what to do with their hands, how to stand, or how to pose.
That is completely normal.
A boudoir session is fully guided from start to finish. Your photographer demonstrates poses, helps adjust small details like posture and hand placement, and guides you through expressions so you never feel awkward or unsure. You don't have to know how to pose—that's my job.
You are not expected to know what you are doing. That is part of the experience.
Confidence Often Appears During the Session
Many women believe confidence has to come first.
But what actually happens is that confidence often develops during the session itself.
At the beginning, you might feel a little shy or uncertain. As the session continues, something begins to shift. You start to see how flattering lighting works, how small adjustments in posture can create beautiful lines, and how the experience is designed to help you feel comfortable.
By the end of the session, many women are laughing, relaxed, and amazed at how natural everything feels.
I can't tell you how many women walk in saying, "I'm awkward," only to leave saying, "Can we do that again?"
Boudoir Is About More Than “Sexy”
Boudoir isn't about becoming someone else. It's about seeing the incredible woman who's been there all along.
A session can capture softness, elegance, strength, vulnerability, playfulness, confidence, or quiet beauty. Every woman brings her own personality and energy to the experience.
Some images feel romantic. Some feel powerful. Some feel joyful or lighthearted.
There is no single definition of what “sexy” is supposed to look like.
Boudoir is about celebrating the version of yourself that already exists.
Seeing Yourself Through a New Perspective
One of the most powerful parts of the boudoir experience is the moment when women see their photos for the first time.
Women who once said “I’m not sexy” often react with surprise when they see the final images. They notice confidence, beauty, and strength that they had not fully seen before.
Sometimes all it takes is seeing yourself through a different perspective.
Boudoir photography has a way of revealing qualities that have been there all along.
You Don’t Have to Be a Model
The women you see in boudoir galleries are not professional models. They are everyday women who simply decided to try something new.
They had the same questions and doubts you might be having right now.
With professional lighting, thoughtful posing, and gentle guidance throughout the session, beautiful images are created naturally. The goal is not to turn you into someone else.
It is to show you how incredible you already are.
Could This Experience Be Right for You?
If you have been curious about boudoir but still feel unsure whether it is something you could do, that is a completely normal place to start.
A complimentary phone consultation is a simple way to learn more about the experience and ask any questions you may have. We can talk about how sessions work, what to expect, and how the process helps women feel comfortable and confident in front of the camera.
Call or text 312-425-2946 to schedule your complimentary consultation and see if a boudoir experience might be right for you.
Jeannie’s Story: “I Never Thought of Myself as ‘Sexy’”
For most of my life, I never thought of myself as someone who could do a boudoir photoshoot.
When I would see boudoir photos online, the women looked confident, glamorous, and effortlessly beautiful. They looked like the kind of women who had always known they were attractive.
That wasn’t my experience growing up.
I was never the girl people described as “sexy.” I didn’t feel like I fit the mold of what society usually calls beautiful. I’ve always had features that made me feel a little different, and over the years I developed a lot of insecurities because of that.
Because of those feelings, boudoir always felt like something meant for other people.
Still, the idea fascinated me. I loved how powerful the women in the photos looked. Part of me wondered what it would feel like to see myself in that kind of light, but another part of me immediately shut the idea down.
I would think, That’s not for someone like me.
Eventually I found Chicago Boudoir online and started reading through some of their stories and blogs. I realized something interesting: many of the women talking about their experience had the exact same fears I did.
They didn’t feel like models either.
So I decided to reach out.
One thing Liz said has always stuck with me: "You don't have to show up feeling confident—that's what I'm here to help you find."
Hearing that completely changed the way I looked at the experience.
It’s about capturing confidence, personality, and the unique qualities that make each person beautiful.
That gave me the courage to book.
The day of the photoshoot, I was definitely nervous walking in. But once the hair and makeup started and Liz began guiding me through the session, I started to relax. She showed me exactly how to pose and encouraged me the entire time.
At no point did I feel judged or out of place.
When I saw the photos later, I was honestly speechless.
For the first time in my life, I didn’t feel like I had to compare myself to anyone else. The photos didn’t make me look like someone different. They just showed a side of me I had never allowed myself to see before.
Confident. Feminine. Strong.
Looking back now, I realize something important.
You don’t have to fit a certain mold to be beautiful.
Sometimes you just need the chance to see yourself from a completely different perspective.
More Questions Women Ask Before Booking
Ask a Boudoir Photographer Series
This article is part of our Ask a Boudoir Photographer series. Many women have questions, concerns and hesitations before booking something as personal a boudoir photoshoot, and that’s completely normal. In this series we answer questions that real Chicago women ask us all the time about boudoir photography. If you’d like to read more in this series, you can explore other questions and answers here. And if you have a question of your own, please text us at 312-425-2946 or email it to hello@chicago-boudoir.com.