How to Deal with Shame: Boudoir Baby Steps
On How to Deal With Shame
In the boudoir business, we talk a lot about how to deal with shame. Society tries its best to make women feel self-conscious about their bodies. That is why a boudoir photoshoot can feel so empowering! It is your chance to say, “this is the real me, take it or leave it!”.
That was the focus of my TED Talk in 2023, ‘Nudity Doesn’t Have to Be Naughty’. Over the course of photographing over 2,000 women in the boudoir style, I learned that confidence doesn’t create bravery. Rather, bravery creates confidence. This is especially true when it comes to embracing your body and overcoming shame.
After listening to my TED Talk, one woman truly embraced the message. Here is what she learned about dealing with shame.
Why Naked Feels So Naughty
Believe it or not, no one is immune to feeling shame around nakedness. Even nurses need lessons on how to deal with shame about their bodies from time to time. This was our listener’s story. She said,
I am from a very different generation where we didn't talk about nudity and such. Even being a nurse for 40 years and seeing too/so many naked bodies.
That’s the whole problem! For many reasons, it’s taboo in our culture to talk about our naked bodies. But, when you learn not to talk about something, it starts to feel scary. It didn’t matter that this listener saw nakedness every day at work. HER naked body wasn’t something she let herself know.
Taking the First Step
So, when she first heard the topic of my TED Talk, she gasped. Literally. She wrote,
The topic was... a little (gasp) awkward for me, not offensive, just awkward. I squirmed now and again in my seat. BUT, I listened to the whole thing.
Maybe you felt the same way when reading the topic of this blog post. But you’re still reading this post. And that was the same first step our listener took. She listened. Knowing how to deal with shame isn’t always easy. But allowing yourself to be a little uncomfortable can make it a little easier.
Learning How to Deal With Shame
The reward for discomfort is often empowerment. That was certainly the case for our TED Talk listener. After that first baby step, she took another.
I decided to take you up on a few things! Next morning, I got out of the shower and looked in the mirror (something I try to avoid even when dressed). I chuckled at first then decided that all the important parts were there, mostly proportional, and still pretty intact.
This experiment can also be done at the boudoir studio. When you have your own boudoir photoshoot, you might be surprised to learn that you are still ‘pretty intact’ no matter what changes your body has been through. When women say boudoir is so empowering, this is what they mean.
Loving Your Body More and More
Once you start that journey to empowerment, it becomes second nature to know how to deal with shame. Before you know it, you’ll want to try even more ways to celebrate your body.
That was the message our listener left with. From the moment she tried walking to the shower with nothing on, she realized her body wasn’t something to be afraid of! Instead, she learned just how important it is to treat yourself and love your own body. She signed her message to the studio by saying,
When we were on vacation at a resort last week, I went into the women's spa hot tub naked! Now no one else was there so the risk was reduced, but I did it. Then I followed up with a full body massage which I thoroughly enjoyed. Thank you for your message - I am learning to love my body more and more!
Now it’s your turn to learn to love your body more and more!
Next Stop: The Boudoir
When it comes to how to deal with shame, everyone’s journey will be a bit different. Maybe your first step is learning to eat more intuitively or walking outside the house in a crop top. These small challenges will build up your confidence over time. Then, when you’re ready, it’s time to try boudoir.
Booking a boudoir photoshoot tells the world (and, more importantly, yourself) that your body cannot be limited by shame or taboo. In fact, your body is powerful, beautiful, and capable of brave things!