Surviving and Thriving Through Life Changes
What is a life change?
The term "life change" has somewhat variable definitions, but generally they consist of:
A physical move (typically to a new residence)
Beginning or ending a significant relationship (e.g., divorce, death, marriage), romantic or non-romantic
Marriage and/or the birth or adoption of children for couples who already live together or are married (These involve both biological changes in the parents and other major shifts in marital-type relationships.)
The end of employment due to retirement or dismissal from work.
Starting or ending educational endeavors, either post-secondary education or special training.
Legal and/or medical problems that affect a person financially (i.e., bankruptcy, foreclosures).
The death of someone close to the individual
In addition to changes that involve dramatic losses or disruptive events, everyday life includes numerous smaller changes that can also be stressful: moving house; changing jobs or careers; working longer hours; increased responsibility at work due to promotion or redundancy of colleagues, etc.
Psychological Impact
Studies show that life changes are stressful, even when they bring positive benefits like marriage or the birth of a child. The psychological impacts include:
Feelings of loss and grief : even if you wish to leave an old situation because it's not working anymore (e.g., leaving a job), losing something can still cause emotional pain.
Fears of the unknown : when you change your life in a significant way, it can be frightening to accept that something new will happen instead.
Feelings of being "stuck": even when you want to make positive changes in your life it is hard to let go of what has been (e.g., friends who have moved away). .
Strong emotional responses : intense and "out of control" emotions can occur during periods of change. You may experience anger, fear, hostility, irritation, or even a sense of numbness that is followed by overeating or drinking alcohol to excess.
Even if you handle positive life changes with good strategy (and get through them relatively painlessly), stress still has physiological impacts on your body that affect your health and well-being for some time after the event/s have passed. In addition to the psychological reactions just described, these physical effects include:
Physical symptoms such as tense muscles, headaches, colds and other illness.
Altered eating patterns : either eating too little or too much.
Sleep disturbances : either getting too little sleep or having difficulty sleeping.
Increased use of alcohol or drugs .
How you cope with change depends on your ability to manage stress in general, and the coping strategies you already have for dealing with life's difficulties (both big and small).
Sometimes people delay necessary changes in order to avoid these feelings – for example, putting off going back to school after being fired so they don't have to feel like a failure, or delaying moving out of their parent's house until after a holiday so they won't experience the feeling of loneliness during Christmas week.
Methods to survive change
Here are some ways to manage stress and get the most out of life:
Take charge: the more involved you become in making changes, planning for what will happen next, and adjusting your thinking to accept and welcome change when it occurs (even though you don't have much control over the process), the greater chance you have of successfully coping with future changes.
Change your attitude : if you perceive that a change is imminent or occurring, prepare yourself for several months prior so you won't feel overwhelmed when it happens. You can also take small steps at first so the big change doesn't seem like such a shock (e.g., what would be involved in gradually reducing television watching to two hours a day, rather than deciding that you will never watch television again?).
Change your lifestyle : improve the quality of your life in general by building a supportive social network (family, friends, acquaintances), engaging in activities for enjoyment and developing hobbies and/or skills that provide personal satisfaction. Here are some tips to get started:
Involvement with family or friends provides opportunities to do things together and talk about what's happening in each others' lives. You can share experiences which can help alleviate feelings of loneliness when people leave home or find they left too early. Volunteering on school committees is another way to meet other parents and students and enhance friendships outside the family circle.
One satisfying hobby you can develop is to work with children. If you have a young child at home, there are many activities you can do together; if not, there are lots of opportunities volunteering in schools and recreational programs as well as on sports teams through local youth-serving agencies. Many community centers offer developmental classes for parents and children such as music or art lessons
Your interest in civic affairs also provides opportunities to meet other people who share your concerns about health care issues, the environment, poverty and war. Volunteering your time with an agency that addresses any issue that is important to you will expand your social circle in ways that may surprise you.
Change your outlook : when change occurs, ask yourself, what is the most realistic and responsible way to deal with this change? Ask yourself, how can I take advantage of these changes in my life for personal growth and development.
When you look at your family's history (e.g., photographs, school records, military documents), you will see that adapting to change has been an ongoing part of living in our society. This is especially true today as people marry later in life or live alone after being divorced. Hopefully these transitions have occurred without major problems; however, there are times when difficulties arise--accidents occur, a birth defect, a tragic death or illness--that require further adjustments which may be painful. If you've experienced such an event and still feel stress over it, take heart; there are many strategies that can help you resolve your feelings and move on.
Many people assume that they will never get over the death of a loved one (e.g., if an older person's spouse passes away), especially when it occurs under sudden or tragic circumstances. The reality is, however, that grief is not a permanent state of being in which we become permanently mired down. In fact, the way to overcome grief fast is to move forward with life - slowly at first but more quickly as you begin to feel better about yourself and others around you.
Change is inevitable but with a patient and thought out approach it can be a period of growth and a source to draw inspiration from for years to come.