In the past, boudoir photography was reserved for couples looking to spice up their love life. But now, a lot of women are turning to it as a form of therapy after a tough break-up or divorce. The result is an artful way to reclaim one's own body and sexuality following trauma and abuse. Learn how this intimate form of self-expression can help you work through emotional pain by sharing images with your partner, alone or with a group of people who understand what you're going through.

Boudoir Photography as Therapy

In an age where digital technology permits us to change, filter and alter virtually any photograph, boudoir photography is more popular now than ever. The women who have come to me are most often looking for something beyond a typical portrait shoot; they want something real. But what does that mean? What's the difference between something real in boudoir vs. on Facebook as you scroll through endless images of meticulously airbrushed faces that look like they're from another planet?

#1 – It Helps You Feel Better About Yourself and Your Body

You know why things were going well with your partner(s) when you took those stunning photographs in the first place? Because you felt confident and sexy, which is what your partner liked about you. Now that things are going south, you're not feeling as confident and sexy as before. The photographs help to remind you of how much your partner once enjoyed looking at you and being with you. When things were good, these photos reminded the two of you why the two of you got together in the first place – it was hot!

#2 – It's a Safe Way to Experience Intimacy With Others

There's something incredibly intimate about viewing images of a person who isn't expecting to be viewed by others. It creates an opportunity for connection with others outside of our normal social circles who may or may not have been affected by similar traumas relating to body image and violation associated with the way our bodies have been portrayed in pornography. When it's just you and your boudoir images, there is no one to judge or reject you. It becomes a safe way to see yourself through the eyes of someone who loves you.

#3 – You Get to Be In Charge

When was the last time that you truly felt like you were calling all of the shots? I know for myself personally as well as many women I've spoken with, being over-sexualized by others causes us to lose control of what has traditionally been viewed as a woman's "power" — her sexuality. But here, we are discussing something entirely different – your own sexuality and how it manifests itself on film within an artistic environment where nudity isn't exploitative but instead, empowering. It's also an opportunity to learn what you like and don't like about how you look naked to yourself so that you can communicate it to your partner(s) when the time is right for both of you.

#4 – You Didn't Do Anything Wrong

So many women are made to feel guilty about sexualizing their bodies by men who want us to believe that we've done something wrong because of the way we dress or act – that if only we were more modest, perhaps we wouldn't have brought this upon ourselves. But here, you are in charge and it is entirely up to you what will be photographed and how. I want you to know that the reason your boudoir images are so beautiful is because they were created by a man who adores every inch of your body – including the parts that aren't conventionally pretty or lean like other models you've seen in magazines. Boudoir photography isn't about pointing out flaws, it's about celebrating them as part of an overall beauty. You're not here because anyone has done anything wrong – you're here because this is something that makes YOU happy, brings YOU joy, and helps YOU feel more confident!

#5 – It Helps Bring Your Inner Beauty Out into the Open

As a society we tend to value outer beauty over inner beauty. While it's easy to judge a woman based on her physical appearance, who she is on the inside does make a difference – even if you're not ready to admit it or even see it yourself. I've had more women come into my studio after their breakup than women who would be willing to admit that they are looking for anything beyond just photographs for personal enjoyment. They give me permission to photograph them in ways that no other man would because they want their partner(s) to have something beautiful and real as an antidote to porn.

#6 – It Teaches You How to Feel Comfortable With Nudity

For most of us, nudity conjures up feelings of vulnerability – especially if we've been sexually violated in the past. But remember, it's not about pleasing anyone but yourself! You are teaching your mind to associate nudity with something positive and healing. It becomes a form of expression in its own right that you can reclaim for yourself when you're ready – not before then.

#7 – It Allows You to Redefine Sexuality

For many women, sexuality is fraught with issues of shame which have been passed down from generation to generation and has nothing to do with what we actually look like naked (or how much or little clothing we wear). In your boudoir images, you may be wearing revealing lingerie or even nothing at all – but this is about being comfortable in your own skin regardless of whether or not that matches up with what you've been taught to believe about sexuality over the course of your life.

#8 – It Helps You Apply Pressure to Those "Tight Spots" in Your Relationship

Sometimes there are certain relationship dynamics that we want to address but don't know how or when the right opportunity will present itself. This is an opportunity for you to apply pressure to those places where it's difficult for you and your partner(s) to talk about things meaningfully by doing so through images, which can then be shared privately afterwards (or not). Additionally, this may also provide a safe space within which your partner(s) can begin talking about some of these issues as well, whether directly or indirectly.

#9 – You're Not Looking for Anything Unrealistic

There are a lot of subcultures out there that may seem less than desirable to you that often turn to alternative forms of sexuality as a way to cope with feelings of low self-esteem or vulnerability. But this is not the kind of boudoir photography you are looking for! You're looking for something that helps bring your inner beauty and sense of confidence out into the open in a safe, comfortable, nurturing environment that makes you feel good about both yourself and the person behind the camera – me.

#10 – You Want Something That's Worth Remembering

You're not just here because it will help you feel more confident or be part of an art project (although those things do play a role). You're here because you want something that can be saved and cherished for years to come as a reminder of your beauty, strength, resilience and sensuality. Something that is meaningful not just in the moment but which will have meaning down the road too – even if you end up in another relationship.

#11 – It's Not About Proving Your Ex Wrong

One of the most painful parts about a breakup or divorce can be how others react to it. We are often asked what we did wrong – often by people who don't know us at all and/or haven't looked at their own part in partnership breakdowns. While this may help you feel more confident about yourself again after being dumped, remember that it has nothing to do with trying to prove your ex wrong. It's about feeling good about yourself and what you choose to do!

#12 – You're Not Trying to Get Your Ex Back

Another painful part about a breakup or divorce is that it can leave us questioning our ability to have lasting, meaningful relationships with other people. It may feel like the world has turned its back on us because we no longer have this one person in our lives who used to make us feel so special, unique and lovable. But boudoir photography can serve as some reassurance that you are not alone in your experiences or feelings of isolation, loneliness or depression.